A Poem Made Up of Actual Quotes Me and My Friends Have Said

An (Almost) Original by Akiva

I want to suck your o’s
And blow your nose.
I’m using my hoes to take care of my weed problem.
I’m using my weed to take care of my ho problem.
You look like a retarded squirrel when you do that.
She’s a butt ugly uterus.

Where’s the paper?
In my butt.
Where’s the pencil?
I don’t have one.
Are you our wench?
I believe so.
Where’s something hard?
Was that her first kiss can I have a pringle?
Wait – 40’s a multiple of 8?
10 is actually a number?
I wonder what it would look like if he vomited right now?

I want a cinnamon bun because it would appease my nose hairs,
And unite the warring factions in my nostrils.
If heaven tasted like this I wouldn’t masturbate.
Sometimes you don’t see the person enough,
so you have to do – yourself.
My shirt stayed on for most of the relationship.
I’m gonna go with: we were horny.
Stop licking yourself.
You're just jealous.
I feel comfortable sleeping with you guys.
Only I have permission to go down this road.

I love your calf so much I renamed it thigh.
In other news: thigh has been demoted to calf.
I like that she’s drunk and appreciates this.
Not so much drunk as vomiting.
Everyone drink, get your orange juice ready Belle.
Your cat is NOT an alcoholic.

I’ve reached a stage in my life… I’m not gonna finish that sentence.