There is Life Outside My Apatment (...I think...)

So I was thinking today how long I have been home for the summer, and I realize how disgustingly few times I have actually left my house (I don't count the walk I go for at about 1:45 AM every night, because that is by myself). I have been SOOO antisocial this summer and I am trying to figure out why.

One reason might be that this semester I lost contact with a lot of people, due to sheer business, and I feel like a fool calling up people and being like: "Well, I know I haven't spoken to you in a few months but do you want to hang out?"

Also I feel that over the past year or even two years that I have been away, I have grown a lot and changed, and I am sure everyone else has. I feel like since I have been gone, everyone has moved on and found a new group of friends since high school, and really I haven't (well...not in THIS city at least). I feel like I don't really fit in with anyone else's groups, so it would be akward to hang out with a friend in the context of their new friends. Also I might be afraid that after spending time with old friends, that we both might have changed so much, that maybe we won't have that chemistry anymore. Maybe I would rather be lonely and think that we would still have that bond, rather than try and be dissapointed.

I have this deadly fear that I might end up alone in life. I know of certain examples of older men (above 40) who don't really have anyone in their lives, and as sad as it is, I can kind of see myself in that position in the future.

So if you are reading this, make the effort to call me and hang out. I seem to lack the initiative and balls to do so myself, but that does NOT mean that I don't want to chill with you. Chances are I just feel you are too busy with work or a new group of friends (both of which I lack right now).

Your Pal (really...I promise)

Akiva

Listening to: Avenue Q: "There is Life Outside Your Apartment"